Researchers from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign reveal that feeling appreciated by family members isn’t just heartwarming — it’s scientifically linked to better relationships and mental health, though not every thank-you carries equal weight.
This study, published in The Journal of Positive Psychology, expands our understanding of how gratitude functions within families. While previous research has shown that feeling grateful yourself can increase happiness, this study demonstrates that receiving appreciation from family members has its own unique benefits.
“A ‘Thank You’ really would be nice,” isn’t just the clever title of the journal paper—it’s a sentiment that resonates with anyone who’s ever felt underappreciated at home. Researchers show that gratitude from different family members affects family dynamics in distinct ways: while feeling appreciated by your romantic partner primarily improves relationship satisfaction, receiving gratitude from your children helps reduce the stress of parenting.
“It’s never 50/50 in any relationship and parents are going to be doing more than their kids, but nevertheless, our results highlight that making sure individuals’ efforts for the family are acknowledged and appreciated by other family members is important,” notes lead author Allen Barton, an Illinois Extension specialist and assistant professor in the Department of Human Development and Family Studies, in a statement.
The research team analyzed data from 593 parents across the United States who were either married or in romantic relationships and had at least one child between ages four and 17. They measured how appreciated these parents felt by both their romantic partners and their children, while also assessing their psychological well-being, parenting stress levels, and relationship satisfaction.
Understanding that children of different ages might express gratitude differently, the researchers separated children into two age groups: younger children (ages 4-12) and teenagers (ages 13-18). This distinction proved important, as the study found that while appreciation from children of all ages helped reduce parenting stress, only gratitude from teenagers was associated with improved mental health in parents…
The research carries important practical implications for family life. Parents can actively foster a culture of gratitude at home by both expressing appreciation to their partners and teaching their children to show gratitude in age-appropriate ways. As Barton suggests, parents can help children recognize opportunities for gratitude, such as reminding them to thank the other parent for helpful actions.
The findings also underscore that gratitude within families isn’t just about teaching children good manners—it’s about acknowledging the effort that goes into maintaining family relationships.
“When those efforts go unacknowledged or underappreciated, it takes a toll on individuals and families,” Barton emphasizes.
Like a well-timed “thank you” after a home-cooked meal, sometimes the simplest gestures can make the biggest difference in family life. This research shows when it comes to family relationships, gratitude isn’t just good manners — it’s good medicine.
You can read the full article here.
Fostering a sense of gratitude begins with modeling the behavior. Practice saying, “Thank you” more in your home, and teach your kids to follow your example. It is one simple expression that can make a big difference far beyond your home.